Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
