Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
