forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
