I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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