Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
