it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
