the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
