I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
