in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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