Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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