Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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