Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
pray to the hookup gods
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
