I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize