It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
