i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
