i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
