It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize