so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
