Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
