Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
