Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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