last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
