I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My feet surprised me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
