I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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