I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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