first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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