I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
