So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
