how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she pinky promised me she was 18
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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