I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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