I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
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