he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
