bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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