I'm pants shitting drunk right now
only if we run a train.
done.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize