Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My breasts were aching with rage.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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