at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
