I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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