Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
