Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just pee around me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize