Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
that's an acceptable place to lick
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
