i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need to align my fucking chakras
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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