So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
