So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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