I accidentally burped into my bong.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
