Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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