I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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