In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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