Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
