Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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