Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
