I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
