It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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