True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
