Moan for me like Helen Keller
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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