You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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