No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize