Tell her she can't have a vagina
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
