There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
