Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
