you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
