Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Let's get the cat blown out
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize