Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
