I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
