Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
