I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
