So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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