I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
two words...techno handjob
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
