Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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