My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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