I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
