thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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