if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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