Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I puked a lego.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
