He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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