I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
