its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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