Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
