I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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