do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
