he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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