when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
