Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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