You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
