I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
