Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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