Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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