i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
