Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
