I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
