I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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