Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
