i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
