there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
