Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
COCAINE IS GR8
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
