i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
