Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
