She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
