you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
