he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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