I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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