You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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