I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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