Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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