She is in my trunk
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
